Tuesday, May 20, 2014


The first day home today was a tough one. I woke up, went to work and did my best to have a normal day, but just couldn’t. Putting rubber gloves on reminded me vividly of general hospital. The faces of those we loved, reeled through my mind constantly, I could not escape it. I look at all I have and feel almost disgusted, even though I know I shouldn’t necessarily. A maelstrom of emptiness, sadness, confusion, happiness and love fill my body. Never in my life have I felt the way I do now.

It has been less than 24 hours and I already want to go back. As a considered homebody, I never thought I would grow to love Haiti as I did. It taught me that home is not a place, but a feeling. Surrounded with people who cared about me, and people who lived life to the fullest I became a different person. I look at my own life entirely different. I need to accept that for awhile I will struggle to understand so much. It feels wrong being in Minnesota. I feel closer to the Haitian people who touched me, I feel closer to the people I spent the past week with, than I do to my own family.

The past week chewed me up and spit me out. I am struggling more than ever now in my life, and I love it. I love what happened to me, I love how transformed I am. I know now more than ever my purpose and calling.


John Dugas

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