I understand now that each day will continue to challenge me more than the last.
Meeting Maxso was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. Aimlessly searching for meaning in my life, my relationships, my everything, this little boy was able to provide me with something not many have, guidance. Maxso doesn't even know what he has done for me.
Love is a word that is thrown around a lot in our society, I personally believe that it has lost considerable value in my generation. People can be in relationships and call it love but do they really know the meaning? Even if they say they do..? I'm a skeptic.
Not knowing what love actually is has caused me to venture down dark roads in the last few years, but I finally feel as though I can move on, as if today I found what I was looking for.
Feeling Maxso's little face press up against mine was quite remarkable. The way had grabbed on to me and just wanted to be nothing more than held for as along as possible awoke something within me, at that instance I thought to myself, this is what love is. Love is an empty word but not an empty emotion, and for the first time in awhile I can honestly say that I felt it. This was special, again this was something that I believe a person needs to feel to understand. I could truly preach about it all night long but those of you have not experienced this can truly never understand.
Walking around parts of Haiti had me quite nervous at first. I guess I was expecting to be glared at, or shunned in some way but never once did this happen. The people I came across today whether it was a smile or a wave or a "Bonswa" or "Bonjou" always returned the favor, they seemed happy to see me. This is something that is not consistent in the USA. The people here are so happy, yet they have every single reason in the world not to be.
I felt a lot of anger today as well. Every problem here stems from a corrupt system. The infrastructure here is not shattered, it is non existent. Those in charge, the people who could do something about this show extreme ignorance. When you here things like "5 billion" donated to Haiti's relief effort initially you think of good things. How much of this money actually was put into helping though? I've learned that donating your money is the easy way out, the only way change will ever happen is when time is put in. The United States usually throws money at their problems and I believe a lot of the world has followed this standard because we set it. We have gone about helping this place the absolute wrong way and it breaks my heart.
Obviously I have my theories about what should/could be done about helping this place but I do not know if that is what the people want. A better line of communication is essential to this place rising out of poverty. TOGETHER we must develop the best possible way to help these people who fight for survival every day.
I just want to rant about what needs to be done but I won't get into it, education is probably at the base of it all, but as a human, and as an American I want to fix things, and I need to be able to find peace with the fact that I cannot fix this, but only do my part.